first love never dies

does first love dies? If you asked me that few years back, my answer would be yes, until I've watched this show on TV. One of the guests, answered it on the negative side. She answered no, coz it's the first romance that teaches you how to love and to sacrifice, maybe the feelings subsided but the thought that first love is irreplaceable then that makes it undying. You can love as many as you can feel but no such thing as first love.
Last night, as lie awake in bed, just thinking of what oscar wilde said, that love of oneself is the beginning of a lifetime romance. Well I thought that maybe it's my self is my first love. You've got to love yourself first before loving others, for you cannot give something you do not have. YOu can't give love, if you don't have it. So I think I am making sense, that first love never dies, if the first love is yourself.
Someone quoted me in a forum when I posted it that I believe in happy ever after. He told me that it's just in a fairy tale story, and fairy tales don't come true. But for me, fairy tales inspires us to keep on loving and moving forward, despite how many wicked stepmothers, witch or sisters we have in our way, it teaches us that if you have a mighty heart and strong will you can surpass all those who get in our way. And going back to happy ever after, it doesn't matter if you end up with your prince charming what matters most is, the feeling when you reach your destination after a tiring journey, the feeling that you have move-on after a failed relationship, see? In life, having a partner is joyours really, but sometimes it's not the only thing in this world that gives us happiness, what matters most is, you know the things that makes you happy, and whatever makes you happy, practice it..hehe
I

Three nights ago, I was not able to sleep for 2 nights, I don't know why, and I have this palpitation, so I searched on it on the net, coz i suspected a heartburn due to its symptoms, and awhile ago a friend told me that it might be an estrogen, so I have to stop drinking coffee or any drinks that caffeine is present, whew!!! My coffee is decaf but still not an excuse, coke and tea, goodbye, but I hope it's only for awhile.

AS my sleepless nights attack, I have to venture myself into reading, so I read this newly bought book, it's about tickling the soul, nice book, full of wisdom, thou I am still looking for the humor, but until its absent, but some quote strike me, thou many quotes have gotten my attention to this book. It says there, if your friend or work have no intentions to stay with you, you have the right to leave them. And then I remembered a friend, but erase it eventually, coz I know that she's no longer thinking of me, so why should I think of her, anyways..I just found out that there are friends, are only good when they need you, but when life's going so smoothly, they never know that you are existed. At first, I thought that I don't have friend like this, until I met her.

Secondly, I have a disagreement with a friend, of course this friend is different... I will not write about her, coz according to the book, when you are mad, tell it to a friend, just one friend, coz what will happen of you will tell everyone is that, you are just rehearsing the madness in you, well guilty about that. I don't know why is she furious about that what Ihave said, but anyways, I'd like to tell her that the truth hurts, but I kept quiet, it will just ignite her uncontrolable temper.

Okay, just that it, everyday, we learn something, only have to do is to be vigilant the free lessons that this life is offering. Whether own experience or others, it taught us something, that developed our own personal well being.

one afternoon

I was walking down the streets awhile ago, when the PMA cadets vehicle pass by me, and there's a slogan written on the side of their vehicle it says there "Serving the Future" well I eally don't know what it means really, maybe when I got to ask them maybe they can give me the best explanation. It just pop into my mind the question, why serving the future, why not now, coz today is the present moment, we need them now, and for Petesake they are soldiers, their lives is always in danger, how can they serve the future if they are going to die today, so what I am trying to say is that, serve for today and we might have a better and peaceful future, if you are going to serve tomorrow "ningas kugon" di ba? Oh well like I said, they have a better explanation for that.

One thing more, on issuing business receipt as in accordance with the law, that you have to issue a receipt in every business transactions. I was bothered by this, really, ASK FOR RECEIPT This will ENSURE that the taxes on your purchases WILL be REMITTED to the government. It WILL be USED for the DEVELOPMENT of the Philippines. Failure to issue as such is punishable by law with the imprisonment of 2-4 years. Wow, it's a beautiful law isn't it? but look around you, where is the beauty of the Philippines, well I guess, it's in Philippine Airlines... Two things came into my mind, First, business are not paying their taxes in accordance with the law, and Second, the development is in the hands of the few. We pay our taxes monthly and annualy, we pay our taxes more than 12x a year, and of course don't forget the e-vat everyday we are paying this, thru medicines, foods, groceries etc, I don't know how many millions or billions of pesos that the government can accumulate each day or in a year, maybe the interests of our loan in the World Bank is too large that we can no longer pay. That is why development is far from every Filipnos sight. But goodness is every where, who knows, Philippines will rise again as the Tiger country of Asia.

another thought

I was reading a local news paper, and the first thing I read are those written by the people here, I seldom read the front page coz I heard them already on the radio, yes, on the radio, coz the local news paper here comes once a week, so I was reading the paper, I kept on turning the pages until I turned unto the classified ads, ka-booommm!!! It's an advertisement exclusive for the boys, I can't believe my eyes, I've been reading that paper long ago, and it's my first time to saw that kind of ads, I don't know if you knew what I am talking about, it's a club where you can have a sight of ladies, wearing skimpy short dress. For me, as a woman, it's an exploitation, the body is the temple of the holy spirit and you advertise it so that men could draw money from their pocket instead of buying it to something else like basic necessities? I don't know why they allowed such an advertisement, if you think of it, there's so many clubs in here, so what more thay can offer?

what a year!!!!

WeeeHaaaa!!!
I hope hindi pangit ang taon ko, kahit pangit ang simula...
I understand that there are so many unscrupolous people roaming around the earth...
Nadadamay sa katangahan ng ibang tao, ang problema, ako lang ang nasisisi sa katangaha ng iba.
Imagine, almost 1 year na kami dito sa new office hindi pa niya alam kung saan nakalagay mga gamit...What a waste tas ako sasabihin na wlang pakinabang??? Tama nga kasabihan, hindi mo makikita ang sarili mong katangahan...kundi sa iba mo iyon nakikita, parang sariling amoy, hindi maamoy, dahil immune na.
Well, I hope hindi na ako makakatagpo ng ganitong klaseng tao...Hayyy Have Mercy on Me Lord!

cold night

malamig ang gabi, hindi ko alam kong yong electric fan lang iyan o talagang malamig, siguro nga malamig na dala ng hanging amihan, palibhasa malapit na ang pasko. Haaayyy pasko na naman, bakit kaya na naman, di ba araw-araw ay pasko, paano nga gawing araw-araw ang pasko? Huwag tanggalin ang mga palamuti sa bahay, mga parol na nakasabit sa bintana at mga maniningning na kislap ng mga Christmas lights? Sa tingin ko wala sa palamuti iyan, nasa puso, sana balang araw, gawing pasko ay araw-araw, yong pag-ibig manatili sa bawat puso ng tao, ng sa ganun, walang away, at mga boss natin magbigay lagi ng bonus hehe, at sana penitensiya ng mga corrupt na tao sa pangungurakot at isipin ang kapakakanan ng ibang tao.

it's saturday

masakit ang braso ko, parang may naiipit na ugat hindi ko masyado mataas. huhu

sa buhay natin, may kanya-kanya tayong papel na ginagampanan, hini lang bilang anak o magulang, asawa o kaibigan. Bukod sa mga ito ay meron pa, yong tipong maging taga-pakinig o taga-bigay opinyon at iba pa.

Sa akin naman ay okay lang ang papel na iyan, naisip ko nga baka iyan ang purpose ko in life, taga-comfort, isip ko nga bata pa ako, buhay pa tatay ko, ako yong tinutulak nila para mag-ceasefire ang mga magulang namin, tuwing mag-aaway ang nanay at tatay namin, syempre ako naman kelangan gawin, kasi bilang bata (4 years old ako nun) takot ako sa dilim, eh ikaw ba naman iiwan sa labas na pagkadilim-dilim kasama ang mga manok iiyak ka talaga, so pag-iyak ko, papasok na kami sa loob ng bahay, at kapag nakita na ng nanay ko na umiiyak ako, titigil na iyan sa kakatalak, o see effective di ba?

Ngayon, napansin ko na, nasanay na ako sa ganitong buhay, yong tipong may icocomfort o bibigay ng opinyon, thou minsan walang katuturan mga pinagsasabi ko, but still some are listening.

Sometimes, kapag nagbabasa ako sa mg forums, lalo na sa mga love and rel threads, there times na nararamdaman ko yong pain nila, kasi alam ko marami posters na peke na kesyo nangyari sa kanila o what, minsan nga, gusto ko deretsuhin ang isang forumer na may problema daw sila sa bf niya, i want to tell her na siya ang may problema kasi may iba siyang lalaki na nagugustuhan, i don;t know but I just know na ganun, but then I might be wrong.

When I tell people that I read their minds without seeing them they answered ows? hehehe actually i dont read their minds, i just sense their behavior, tried and tested na iyan, hehe

info

i deleted some of my posts, kung i decided to make this blog as the "thought blog" kung ano laman ng utak at damdamin ko kapag sinisipag ako mag-posts medyo diyahe kasi kapag may nahalong, test novel hehe...
I just love to create stories and if you have time visit my other blog bangkatloveletter
I'll post some of it later.
Right now, masakit tiyan ko kaya hindi ko na maipagpapatuloy ang aking pagsusulat.
Whew sayang at in the mood ang utak ko ngayon.

so sad

friday last week, sobsob ako sa trabaho, at may di inaasahang dumating na bisita, it was my friend's husband, di ako makapaniwala then he said "hoy! hindi mo na ako kilala" shock lang kasidiko expect na andito siya, so unang reaksion is, aaayyyy asan si dianne, (my friend) with all the excitement, then he said, naiwan, nasa hospital si Erin eh (their daugther) yong pagbulusok ng energy ko to know that their here, parang lumagapak, coz i miss her terribly, equal sa pagka-miss ko sa ate ko. And then last monday I attended the birthday of their son, ethan was so energetic kid, and lovable, he's so huggable but lil bit snobbish hehehe, expected na iyon kasi tagal na niya ako di nakikita, 2 years old pa lang siya ng huli kaming magkita. Awhile ago, open ko yong email ko, na once a week ko lang inoopen, I 've got an email from dianne, nd I just can't help it, my tears is flowing, the fact that she's now a mom and her daugther is in and out in the hospital, tapos wala ka kasama, ikaw lang, and she told na she wants to go home, but the condition of erin will not allow them to go home, I know that she needs the comfort of her family pero yon nga hindi pwede. and up to now, i can't find words to reply to her email, she's alone there right now, and I often tell her that she has to be brave for her daugther, but sometimes you just can't. hhaayyysss yes I've got a good news from my bf but this thing it really makes me cry, but right now, I have nothing to worry, the Bible says, why worry if you can pray.

wala magawa

she's furious.revenge was on her system, and nothing could stop her. devastated totally that Marc, her Marc is getting married. She wanted to touch him and tell him that she loves him so much but she simply can't. On the other hand, a woman is grieving too, on the thought that Marc is still longing for his ex-girlfriend, and decision she makes? drop the wedding. Czarina was long dead, but still can't cross-over because she left her heart with Marc. But thanks to Joe, Marc bestfriend, who had been secretly in-love with Czarina, he'd been searching for her, all his dead-time, but at long last, on Marc's wedding, he finally found Czarina, and Czarina, find peace with Joe and together hand in hand, saw the light and entered the door of everlasting happiness.

reason bakit di ako masyado nanonood ng ghost whisperer, naiiyak ako every episode :(

hhaayyy buhay

mahirap pa lang gumawa ng isang story, isang nobela, di ka lang masisiraan ng ulo kundi magtatae ka pa. ako kasi, habang nag-iisip nguminguya which according to psychology, hindi tama kasi ang utak naka-program na meron siyang ida-digest kaya hindi maka-pag-isip,. di ba nga ang taong busog hindi naka-pag-iisip ng mahusay? pero bakit ko nga ba ginagawa ang bagay na iyon? hehehe.

siguro ngayon seryoso na ako sa pagsusulat, ooppsss konti lang, hehehe meron daw competition, film competition, kasi mag centennial na baguio kaya meron contest chuva na ganon hehe, I can think of the synopsis na pero mukhang mahirap, at pangit sa-sumbit pa kay direk? teka di ba ako magdidirek non? wakokoko kunwari lang, sa producer ko pala papakita, pero seriously, kelangan ng cerebrum ko double time mag-isip hehehe,kasi ba naman,ang theme dapat daw related sa centennial? wweee kala ko pa naman pwede love story.

for now, kelangan ko muna tapusin love story nina michael at margaret la la la.

sermon

ganda ng sermon ng pari kanina...twice kasi ako nakinig ng sermon, isa sa sunday tv mass, magagaling naman talaga mga pari don, very informative, sometimes funny din, don mo makikita na may pinag-aralan nga ang mga kaparihan sa philosophy hehe, the gospel is about Jesus healing the blind man, it's nice word, kasi paano daw nakapunta ang bulag kung nasaan si Kristo eh bulag siya, so maari na meron nag-akay sa kanya papunta doon, then the priest said, kung hindi man tayo ang dahilan para maka-kita ang ma bulag sana hindi tayo ang dahilan para mabulag ang kapwa natin, kung hindi man tayo ang dahilan para umangat ang iba, sana hindi tayo ang dahilan para matisod sila, nice words coming from a religious person, and then I went to Cathedral, and it;s the same, it's about the blind man, but he said that there are two kinds of blindness, the physical blindness and the spiritual blindness which is more difficult to cure, and he said that, Jesus is the light of the world, just let Him in lahat magliliwanag, and he continued, na main problem of the Philippines is not ecomic or political is the bad things that we are doing, those immoral things that other people are doing, and the solution is not to change the government but to change our hearts, then he said that seminarians can longer teach the word of God in some public schools they can no longer inculcate values to students, coz there are so many requirements of Ched especially in terms of information technology, maybe Filipinos are globally competitive but morally defective aray ko, pero may tama si Father, marami ng naliligaw ng landas, lalo na sa kabataan, but for me, hindi ko masisi ang mga kabataan na ito kung sila ay naliligaw dahil, wala naman na silang makitang tinatawag na, role model nila, so sad, dahil an ginagawa ang karamihan ay puro na lang pagpapayaman, to think when you die, you can't bring all your richness to heaven, it's better to have richness in your heart than on your pocket.

home sweer home

it's a long travel from baguio to ilocos norte...it takes us 6 hours on the road. We leave left baguio around 3 in the morning and we arrived there past 9am later than expected, coz along the way, we experienced traffic due to road constructions. And when we arrived there, at San Nicolas, my hometown, well we have to look a place for us to eat, we searched for McDonalds hehe, we kinda lost, coz we don't know where 356 plaza is, actually it's newly constructed estbalishment, and it's nice a place, to a town like my town, shakeys was also there. It's like a mall actually but it's not.

We went there too, fix some papers, particularly my name, wwhooaaa what in a name!!! Parents should teach their child to write their name properly especially when you give them 2 or more names, coz they might experienced the same thing. And it's really difficult to wait for people to sign those papers needed. Actually I waited for priest and bishop, coz I need them. Ironically, I thought that those people working at the Bishop Palace are nice, at least nicer than me hehehe, but I was wrong, they like a pittbull ready to fight duh!!!

I was expecting to see my old friend during high school but it's so sad that, I texted a friend, but she reply who you? So I told her, it;'s me and no reply, hehehe that's life. The irony is I saw a friend from college yeheyyy!!!!! She's from Candon but working in Laoag right now, good thing isn't it?

Uhm that's life, a long travel and sometimes you stumble to people that annoys you, makes you smile and part of your life. Oh! I forgot to mention, I saw Cynthia, a friend also but younger and we went to same high school.

home sweer home.

as usual

ang magulo kong utak ngayon....(lagi naman hehehe)

noong nakaraang lunes, pinanood ko yong noypi ikaw ba ito, parang news magazine na docu na tumatalakay kung ano talaga ang pinoy. survey type show na naka-hide yong camera and last monday episode is about being true to the one you love, syempre target mga lalaki, thou tapos na kasi i-survey mga babae, and i think it's not in the gender at all ang pagiging infidelity ng isang tao kundi nasa characteristic pa rin. Just a side comment lang although tama naman ang host sa sinabi niyang "kung mahal mo ang isang tao, sasaktan mo ba?" well so many explanations for me on that matter, kasi kahit hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, WALA KA PA RIN KARAPATANG SAKTAN ITO di ba?

pros n cons

kung may good may bad, may maganda may hindi maganda, kung may left may right, sa lahat naman ng bagay ay meron option, may choice ka.

kaninang umaga, nag-dive celfon ko sa tubig dahil nilaro ng pamangkin ko, nanay ko kasi gumagamit non para kapag naghatid ng bata ay matawagan naman siya. Kaso yon nga nagdive huhu. Medyo masama loob ko kasi pinaghirapan ko naman yon, pero alam ko sad din yong niece ko (4 years old lang siya) so isip ko na lang na pabayaran ko sa ate ko hehehe, so i texted her.

i thought tuloy-tuloy na ang pagka-kulot ng buhok pero like I said, meron kabaliktaran ang lahat I mean there's always 2 sides in everything, may pros and cons, and awhile ago, I figure something good, thou not that good, but I feel good about it, a friend whom I am not in good terms with, I saw him, we don't spoke with each other but still, a sign of something good to happen.

pangalawang beses ng nangyari ito, and I leave it all on the hands of the Father, I love God and I trust Him, maybe today is not yet the time, but I trust the Lord with respect to this situation.

destiny

Do you believe in destiny? sometime we have this attitude that we just believe into something untill and unless it will happen to us. We often connotes destiny into something that, even if we are not searching for love, love will find us at the perfect moment with the right person. But sometimes, destiny will be useless if we don't act on it. It's a 50/50 act and fate for me.

When I was In first year college, we have a subject general psychology, I've learned a lot in that subject, but most of them are forgotten haha, I thought I have a large hippocampus at that time. But our professor once told us that, dreams can happen in the future, something like a dejavu. So she advice that try to write down dream and your activity, reason in writing down the activity,( coz it's sounds like a diary) is that we might just have a "rebound effect"

So I try that, some happens and some are not. But I have this dream that disturbing me and it's noy just happen once, it's somewhat a continuous dream. There's this man, of course I don't know him, the only thing I saw is him but cannot recognize him, but I know that I was attached to this guy, the only thing I don't understand is that, he's lonely. I don't know why. When I dream of him again, he's crying, and the only thing I could do is to hug him.

I was just thinking, if destiny do exist, is he my destiny? But why is he crying? Maybe because he has not yet found me and vice versa hahaha.

Kaninang umaga, habang naglalakad ako papunta sa sakayan ng jeep papunta sa work, I busied myself thinking, (which I often do para makalimutan pagod, medyo nakakapagod kasi bundok nilalakad ko) I am thinking about this friend of mine, she's a classmate way back, and her situation is really sad and pitiful. I don't know if her situation is governed by the law of karma, in which we know that there are 2 types of karma, the bad and the good, but in her situation it's bad, I don't know if she deserved that suffering, but in my mind (ala senate ba? hehe) you learn life the hardest way, at iyon ang nangyayari sa kanya.

to give you a clear view of the situation is that, she was involved in a love triangle but all of them I considered my friends, pero sila hindi ko na nakaka-usap and I'm thankful sa "friendster" kasi mula doon nagkita-kita kami ng mga old friends ko in which pwede ako maka-konek sa kanila.
okay go back tayo, siya ay inlove sa isang guy na committed na, and she knows that, pero ginawa niya, i don't know kung nakipag-flirt siya kasi, lagi niya usap yong guy, thou she knows na selos to the max ang gf ni guy, at point pa is these 2 gurls supposed to be friends. dahil lagi dumidikit si gurl kay boy nakipag-break si gf don sa guy. and next chapter is sila na ng guy na iyon.

fastforward, they get married and have kids, but now the fairy tale turn into horror when she find out that her husband is having an affair with other woman, not with the former gf, other woman, the thing is he has impregnated this other woman. tsk! tsk!

I dunno I was just thinking if her situation is covered by "karma" hindi ko nmaan sinasabi na nang-agaw siya noon, siya naman ang naagawan maybe ganun talaga ang buhay. You must experience pain so that not to inflict that pain to others.

They are my friends, at kilala ko yong girl. grabe, sobra-sobra pagmamahal niya sa lalaki, at maski ganun na ginagawa ng asawa niya sa kanya, still walang nagbago sa love niya sa asawa.
Martyr! at sa tingin ko wala masama doon, sabi nga nila, kung marunong kang magmahal, sa hindi marunong magmahal ka napupunta, reason? para turuan siyang magmahal, it's a sort of spreading love.

wwhhooaaa

hhmmm...last week, someone message me from friendster, the name is familiar but not the face but i don't know if I have forgotten his face or just got a myopic view on his face, and besides I did not expect him to be like that, I mean his feature now. He was a classmate in highschool and he is one of the most memorable person in my life, the fact that we share laugthers and all the "kalokohans" we also share tsismis hehehe. And way back in high school, he's tall and bony i mean skinnny aha, like that, now he had his muscles not that bulgy like batista but he has it, that's the thing that I did not recognize him, and I search where we are connected and those people are familiar hehehe, it's really him, and I feel good meeting him again after a long long time, coz when we graduated from high school we hardly spoke and see each other coz we are now residing in another city, and I seldom go home now.

well, and last week I started a new novel...and i find it difficult, coz ive finisehd the ending but i have not yet started hahaha, how can that be? well I have no idea, I still have to gather some feedbacks about the characters in my story and I've learned something about men, and I appreaciate them, really. The other one is gentleman(without the yak) hehehe and one is "sigurista" that's why I told him that it's nice to establish that character, well you don't what I'm talking about but soon if i have the guts and figure things out, I will share it.

untitled

we had a fun match all breed dog show last sunday, ti was fun, tiring but enjoyable, there are more than 100 participants and 24 breeds who joined the said event, it rains but it's not that heavy umayon ang panahon sa show hehehe, masaya dahil andami dogs, may siberian husky pa na sumali. eto ilan pics ng siberian unti lang kasi bata ang nag photo hehehe

and this is spyke...chow-chow breed, puppy pa lang iyan pero galing ng rumampa, si kuya pinutol wahehehe