another year

I thank God for another year to be with the people that I love and to enjoy God's unending love to me. I did not expect gifts (materials) from anybody but the time that those people who called, texted and message is enough gift already for I know that through thick and thin they will always be there for me. Although it was not that superb birthday because members of my family had a misunderstanding, well, every family have it sometimes, all you have to do is talk about, I just pray that all the involved party have an open mind about it.

And I don't know if I wrote something about my gift to myself about a novel that I am writing, well unfortunately I did not finish it yet, due to some reasons, but instead, like I said I just bought a book for me, I have not finished the first book yet, it's a collection of 40 love stories, it's a nice read, by the way, it's a sort of inspiration. Actually, at first I was hesitant to buy this book, because I was really rooting to buy "When God wrote your love story" I just want to read that book even if the surveys is a so-so book. Yeah I know that, there's no love story are the same, but since I want to gift myself aside from fancy earrings (its my collection by the way) I decided to buy that book, and again, it's just an option, for without the book "When God wrote your love story" I would buy the other book how to find your one true love, but then again the book is not availablem (sigh) And as I was browsing for an e-book I stumble to 125 ways to meet your one true love, and no ebook available as of this writing. Whew!

I remember, praying to God, "God please take care of Mr. Right for me, please?" (with matching smile) I am not tired of praying that every night even if there is no Mr. Right yet, and I asked myself, should I pray also that God let me meet Mr. Right? Yes, I pray that once in awhile, but deep in my heart, I'm not ready to meet him, specially the confusion I had in my dreams? Hhhhmmm I guess we should wait for the Godly time for both of us. If you are going ask me, why would I let my dreams confused me? It's just a dream! But no, dreams sometimes are God's way to talk to us, remember Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, etc? God speak to them in their dreams. So don't you just ignore your dreams.

people...people

I don't know where to start this one, uuhhmmm maybe I should start by mentioning the Cathedral. The cathedral is beautiful as ever, but It's more beautiful now, that some construction had been added to it, better sound system and the like. Different kind of people attend masses on this church, different kind people visited the church, but sometimes, my blood boils especially during Sundays, when non-catholics came up here, visited the cathedral, have their picture taken. I have no problem taking picture with the cathedral, me myself takes picture also, but NOT during SUNDAYS or during mass. There's this word "respect" as I have said no problem on taking pictures, but not when the Mass is going on, and specially when you have a loud voice, louder than the church bell yelling 1,2, 3 smile! followed by ha! ha! ha!

Other thing, you go there to pray, not to discuss a nursing board exam. I was really annoyed and disturbed one Sunday, when 3 students murmuring all throughout the mass discussing about their lessons, common the Church is not a place to discuss your lesson. Whew! another blood boiling incident, to avoid sin on church, stay away from this kind of corrupt individuals. So many places in the cathedral to hear mass, anyway its speaker is loud enough to hear even if you are at the giant stairs, but get distracted still by the passerby , plus vendors, if you decide to stay there. Solution is, don't be late when attending mass.

I was late again for the 4 PM mass, so I decided to stay at the front left part of the cathedral, (if your facing the cathedral) it's sermon time, my addiction now is to hear sermon of the priests, (not bad right). Well, there's this gay (I have nothing against gays, I have friends who are gays)

(he,she,it) with 2 friends(ladies) they just arrived and after millisecond, they leaved, the gay wave us by saying, "tara na, wala naman kuwenta makinig ng misa" I got shocked, and I looked at the person beside me, and his head turned from left to right, without a word, I read his mind.

Why I am writing this anyway, nothing, I'm just boring. Ha, ha, no actually I was really disappointed on people, not on all people, for I know that there are more people who have better heart.....

another book

I just finished reading the book, "You have the power to create love" by Bo Sanchez, actually it's my first time to read his book, I found out that all or almost his works are bestsellers. I just accidentally (or God really showed it to me) saw him on Facebook, you know the advertisement at the right side of the page, when you get to see various of groups, people, shows and so many more. It's not out of curiosity, I have seen his books on bookstores but did not bother to buy it. So I added him on my likes, so what happen is, if his page is updated, it will be shown on your wall, and the first ever post on my wall through him is about an hungry soul, and that's the beginning of my addiction to his words or works. Take note, not all addiction is bad, especially when you indulge yourself to this kind of addiction, listening to people that possesses the tongue of a saint and a heart of an angel.

Let's get back to the book, the book if I may described is blogger book (well that's my opinion) it consists of his own stories and experiences as a son, husband, father and a messenger of God. His stories are not extra-ordinary. I have heard and read stories like that before, more melancholic than his stories, but what differs his story from the other stories is that, in his story, there's always hope, there's always hope if you open up, try to look at things, and God is always there. His always present in our lives, but too bad, we don't notice Him, because we are too busy doing something else.

One more thing I've learned in his book, is that, the proper use of adverbs and adjectives, ha ha.

As for this writing, I was thinking to read another book: "For the Impatient Bride" or write my own novel, tsk! tsk! I guess I really have a terrible problem on my laziness!

just a dream

It's been quite awhile that I have not seen this man in my dream, maybe a couple of years ago, and the last time I've dreamed of him is that, we were so close, but he's crying again and it's like I am holding and comforting him, (sigh in a major way) I really don't know why he always cry. Then last night, I thought he's not coming back but there he was in my dream, and he's crying again.

It's like this, there's two men in my life, both loving me but I have to choose one. And I choose the other man, instead of him. Of course he cried, and then, he never left, he just waited for me to go, I never saw him left, but I left him with this new man.

The sad thing is, the man that I choose is somewhat arrogant, and I told him to mind his manners towards my family, because he's the one that I choose, and so there he is try his best to be good to me and to my family. And the man that I choose? Believe me, I've met him already, just his side view but his everything is familiar. And after what happened? I really want to get back to the first man in my dream. And luckily it's just a dream, now that I am awake, I know now whom to choose, but the one whom my heart wants? Boy! I've never met him. So sad. So should I settle to the man I know, or should I wait for this man? Saying that I read, answered it, "do not settle for someone that is available, but instead settle to the one that your heart really needs." But who is this man? Do I sound like an impatient bride now? Oh, well!

I've been reading my previous posts since this month, and I've noticed that it's all about pain. Well, maybe this is one point in my life that I have to undergo, but life is like a book, I have to finished this chapter in order to start a new, and I think this chapter is almost over.

Last week, august 18, I woke up in the morning with a terrible headache, I was planning not to go to work but I still went to work that day. Upon arriving at work, I 've heard my neighbor talking about an accident along sablan going down San Fernando , La Union, the bus lost his control on the break so the bus fell on the cliff or on the mountain, it's so sad. No feeling at all just the headache, I must admit I don't want to associate anymore the headaches on accidents, although I know there's a connection.

Later that afternoon, as I was editing the news for the stringer of GMA 7, I was saddened by the news that there were 41 deaths already and 18 survivors, it's really sad. And guess what I exactly feeling at that moment? IT feels like I know someone from that accident who died, but I just can't figure out who, coz the I have no names or lists at that time.

August 19 at 8 Am, I just get up from bed, (still having an headache) I was out of my room, when my cp rang, it was Atty. Ofel, wondering why is he calling, maybe he's here in Baguio( he's in Tarlac) and he wants to see me, so I answered him, telling me that someone called him that a this blah blah was killed in an accident, he is one of the cassualties on the bus yesterday, so I said what???? Can you imagine that, just woke up still having a headache and you heard this early in the morning? Whew! I told him that I'll call Chit (my mami, the wife of dadi) I was hoping that she will answer me in a jolly voice like hello ghenski!!!!! how are you my dear!!!! I was really hoping for that answer, but my heart sank when I heared her sobs, telling me that dadi is one of the casualties. Shock! I cried, I try to be strong but I can't I told her that I will go there by her side that day. Whew! calling ofel back that it's really true that he's one of the casualties, I was crying when I told him that, but when I heard him strong still, I stop crying, it feels like that I zapped some courageousness in him. But when I went to marlon's wake, no, I was weak, I cried, and seeing mami cried that no more tears to shed because of pain, I cried more. I was talking to Marlon to at least show some sign but none, that's why I told mami, that he's gone, he crossed over.

Tomorrow is Marlon's burial I wanna go there, but it feels like I'm not gonna make it, but I don;t know, it feels like Im too weak, I don't know I can't explain. But I am praying that God will direct me what to do for tomorrow. And I know that, whatever what will happen tomorrow, he and mami will understand.

Yesterday, there was a hostage drama at the Quirino grandstand, that's the news break early afternoon of yesterday, I thought it was just an ordinary hostage drama that will not lead to a bloody ending, but I was wrong, at 7 in the evening when I saw his brother shouting, that the police is in the act of arresting, I don;t know but I have this feeling that his brother will going to die, but never expected that some other innocent will die too. You can call me crazy or whatsoever but that's what my feeling before the bloody ending.

I guess police who responded the crisis yesterday lacks intelligence, plans and equipments. Given the fact that they have sniper in place, but how can you fire when you can't even see the suspect? What lacks yesterday is a good negotiator, I don't know what could happened if there's a good middle man between the hostage taker and the government.

The question is who?

Im okay now, I may not right anything and everything in here, because there's something to be kept on my own. But what matter's most is, I'm fine, I've been to the doctor yesterday, hhhmmm he's a cutie in fairness hehe. Well, anyway, I'm in the process of dissecting my emotions, maybe I just missed a part of my life now, not necessary the reason why I am depressed. But I know God is good, and I think I didn't need a partner as of this time, I'm just rushing things up, and maybe blinded or should I say, jealous of what other's have. But at this very moment I am ok, not that 100% ok but manageable. Hhhmmm, what else? Everything will come at right time.And that time will be perfect for His glory perfected it. Ciao!

don't cry out loud

don't cry out loud i'll keep it inside, I guess that's what I'm going to sing from this very moment, I am depressed and I hate it, I don't want to talk to anybody right now even if someone wants to talk with me, yeah the least person I've ever expected.

I feel so alone and sad, I asks myself, why it has to be this way, why I felt and continue to feel this way. I've been patiently listening to cries of other people and my friends, and keep on giving opinions and comforting words, now it's my time to cry, why is it that nobody wants to hear me, that's make me sad, but crazy, there's this man who wants to listen, but I keep on pushing him away, you know what? because I don't want him too, the more I confessed what's happening to me the more I cry. Maybe, times like this, really happens and I don't know how long it will lasts, I hope soon because it makes me sick, I try to be happy, and I am happy now, but a little bit sad, I am crying while I'm writing this. Can't understand myself right now, hope this will be over, I'm not myself this past few days.

So many things I want to write but I don't know, there's a feeling of hesitancy on my part, there's hope all over my heart and in my soul, just feel a little bit tired. I need time of myself now. The people that I love I will keep you in my heart, and it doesn't matter anymore if you will love me back, I will be hurt but there's nothing I can do.

When I'll be back it would be different, it will be old brand new me, la la la, hehe

I had this freaking moment last Monday, I was alone at the office, and I went to my brother's computer table, then when I was about to take a sit, I move the chair, and then I heard someone says "excuse me" it was a woman's voice, so I have to look around, if there's someone came, but I was still alone, so I moved again the chair, maybe it's just the sound of the chair squeezed on the floor but it's not. I've heard a lot, but still I have to be sure every time I hear voices, it's freaking really. Then I prayed that God will saves us from any kind of harm. It's always like this that when I heard voices, I got sick, just like yesterday. Haizz I hope this will come to pass.

Just confused this past few days, because of some stones on the road, I asked God what to do, who will clear my way, if this journey is worth taking for, frankly speaking I still don't know, but one thing is sure now, I have peace in my heart and that's all that matter. Thanks to my family who had been my backbone and friends who had been my skin. And God who erases all the doubts in my heart, and like I always tell myself, God is love. And to him, who continues to confused me, who teaches me to be more responsible to all the things I have to.

But life is full of surprises, I thought I'm done with that thing that stresses me, here it goes again. I have a problem with my editing software, of all the days, of all the time, that I need it, why now? I have so much things to do, why now? I can't reformat my computer because I just formatted it two weeks ago, so I have to edit it in slow but sure manner, avoid errors as much as I can, so I have to divide all the videos so that I can render and save something, and it takes a lot of time to do it. Why is it that my pc is not cooperating!!!!! I feel so terrible....

Plus, my neighbor, my very neighbor, of all the days that God made, there's nothing in her mouth than politics, how she went on the streets yesterday because the sister of the candidate she wants to vote was here. She's been yelling about this candidate that if he won, like this, like this, blah blah, she's been parroting everyday, aarrgh she's getting into my nerve. We'll see on monday what will be her press release.

My God, sana may mabubuting tao. I know kahit paano may kasalanan ako sa nangyari pero sana naman hindi masayang yon. Huhu, kasi sayang naman talaga yon. Hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa na may mabubuting puso mula sa daigdig na ito. Hindi ko man kalahi, pero naniniwala ako na meron at meron may mabubuting puso.

I am afraid to love you

I am afraid to loose you

I don't want to try

I don't want to cry

But stubborn heart I got

Fear in my heart I forgot

For love is sweet

and it's you, the need of my heart

How high is the mountain

How deep is the ocean

I don't know, neither of it

But I know I love you

Promises I will not make

For thy heart is only human

God be my witness

That I love you today

Tomorrow, will still be my today

Then, I still be loving you

If thine heart stops

My soulful heart will keep on loving you

Wow, after finishing this post it will be my second post for the year, can you imagine that? It's been idle for awhile, whew! Haiiizzz, why is it that there are insensitive people? Thought they are good but when they are done with, it's done, you know what I am talking about? Yeah I guess, I don't know why I feel this way, I love to give help and yeah I did not expect anything in return but I am insulted by her responses, that's all, I have to release this and I hope by writing it down, the burden will lighten up (cross-finger).

eeerrr it's been quite long that I have not visited my blog, it's not that I have nothing to write but I've been busy at work. Yeah. work is terrible so as farmville, my dog ran away again, so sad. I feel sick today due to the rain yesterday. Yeah it rains so so hard, and we have a garden wedding, result is, change venue. No problem about that, the only thing is that, it's very difficult to carry all our gadgets and materials because they are heavy and it's difficult to climb the stairs specially when it's raining and you don't have an umbrella. I think I've hurt my shoulder.

I'm confused alright? hhmmm Do I have to make a call? Nah I pray tonight and get some answers, I think I've been good and God will listen to me and answer my prayer.