disturbing dreams

I have known myself to dream unusual dreams, like burning buildings, collapsing building because of a natural calamity, furious people that I don't know, events, and sometimes they do happen, so it's like a dejavu.
But lately, I don't but these dreams lately became disturbing, the first is, someone is wearing my underwear, I just ignore it because it might be just a "rebound effect" of my previous activities. Then, again, I dreamed that someone is wearing my denim jacket, which I immediately to the laundry basket, coz I got scared already.
Two interpretations that came into my mind, someone wants my identity (OA ko) or someone wants to inflict harm on me. Now I am sick...I just don't know if there's a connection to any of my dreams. I am sick because CAP Building is so cold when Sitel held a program, my body is weak pn cold places.

sleepy afternoon

a few weeks ago, I went to the national bookstore at SM to buy an orange notebook, orange folder and orange extended folder plus unscented special paper (not orange as long as it's not scented coz his teacher have some allergies) when I was there searching for those school requirements, I remember 'Kapitan Sino" by Bob Ong, so I went to the bookstand of Filipino writers and immediately search for the book, because I am excited, but it was unfortunate for me that it's out of stock already, so maybe I can wait for one more week, then I saw this book from a fresh author whitn the sign of "rock on" with blue and black color...there's 2 books of that author but I picked up the other one which I thought the first to be published (the rock one sign) since there's no available book of Bob Ong, I tried the other book, it's the only copy and it's a little bit delapitated, maybe there are readers who are curious about it so they pass on reading it right there and then. On my way home, I drop by at the other branch of national bookstore at Abanao Square ( still looking for those orange stuff) I ask the sales attendant if they have "Kapitan Sino" and she pointed it, woohhaaa it's in front of me, so I get one, paid it to the cashier and went home.

Before I went to bed, I get the other book entitled "isang napakalaking kaastigan" wondering what's inside, anyways, there's a preview of the book, that says it's about his family, friends and career, and then at the back of the book, it says that everything is a joke, (I thought it's a collection of joke) or I can laugh something, well there are parts that makes me laugh, but those written at the back of the book na "mapapaisp ka ng malalim" it's true, I even argue with myself, It's my first time to encounter such words like. identidad and tendensiya, In my thinking (over used sa senado ito kapag may hearing) he must be talking of identity and tendency, well I can be wrong but if I am right, according to my friends, identity is pagkakakilanlan and tendency pwedeng ugali or pagkakataon. It's his first book that I read anyway, maybe I will give credits to him by buying the second book...(when I was readin g this, I thought of Jessica Zafra's twisted na sana yon na lang binili ko)

The following morning, since I was not convinced by those words, I researched on the internet (hindi sa identidad at tendensiya) but on the author itself, well he had a multiply, and there's this other one who make reviews on works of writers, I agree to him on his reviews on "isang malaking kaastigan" but when I tried to read his work also, I bang my head, their giving me heacache with those new filipino words, like textualidad aawww!!! and here's another modalidad, well moda is fashion but modalidad I am still thinking, for me, I get use of reading layman's terms especially kung tagalog, mas maganda at mas madaling intindihan thought tagalog naman ang ginamit pero kung gagamitan mo na ng ganitong salita mapapaisip ako, and I can't help compare their work to bob ong or ricky lee's work, tama lang ang mga gamit ng mga salita, hindi kumplikado, madaling intindihan.

Si kapitan sino naman, review niya ay korny daw, well in some ways, pero ano ba korny doon, maybe sinubukan niyang magpatawa (as usual) pero hindi masyado nakakatawa, siguro yong pagbanggit kay rey pj abellana at leny santos, lunch date at bagong kampeon. Buti nga wala si ultraman ace doon, eh sa palagay ko kamukha niya ayon sa pagkaka-larawan niya kay Kapitan Sino. Pero kung iyong iisipin, si Kapitan Sino ay dinala tayo sa nakaraan, kung saan ay limot na natin, si Kapitan Sino ay nagpaalala sa atin hindi lamang sa mga tao noon, kundi pati na ang mga nagawa, ginawa at hindi nila nagawa noon....Ang nobelang ito ay sumasalamin sa totoong kaganapan ngayon, na ang mga tao ay walang ka-kontetuhan sa buhay, na ikaw na ang tumulong ikaw pa ang masama.

Hhmmm when you are constipated you tend to think other things other than your being constipated, haha, yesterday a man came into our office and he wants to rent the mezzanie floor of our office, but my brother decline as of this time yet, the man told us that he wants to establish a healing clinic, it's like nature therapy but not quack or maybe the same but he did not want to be called that way, he talks about card reading and fengsui that its originally originated in....can you believe it??? Australia, yeah right, that makes me remember that Adam and Eve comes from that country too. So nothing much to do, so I am researching on that now, and look what I have got nothing...Nothing that I found that Feng Shui was originated in Australia, or maybe I am not researching well... What I've got is the Chinese Feng Shui meaning wind-water, comprises of the 5 elements of the earth (wood, fire, metal, earth and water) that feng shui is almost the same as vaasta shastra of india which harmonize the flow of life-energy. Im not really into astrology just want to read them. Coz life is base on life itself never on stones. amulet or your position when you sleep. But I do wear red on fridays para swelti hehe. But come to think of it, maybe they are true if that's the word especially when you base it on the constelation, remember the three kings guided by the star? hhmmm maybe just maybe. Have to continue my research who knows I'll be successful and I can something when he comes back.

I have no idea what am I going to write today, no intention to write but I feel like writing. I bumped into one blog from another, different minds, different style, ahhh the uniqueness of human, some talks about their hatred, thou it's really a relief when you write some of your frustrations, that when you look back, wow! I did passed that chapter, what have I've done to surpass that tragedy, feelings like that, some people about life, love, government, politics even religion. Luckily I write what I thought in that certain time, it's like an spontaneous writting just like now. I feel like to write because, I have so many frustrations mainly on the government and people especially the young generations. On government, why on earth that they pursue the con-ass, we need not one, not today that only a couple of months more and we will be having suffrage, it's not that election will not be held on the 2nd monday of may next year but there's something not right going on. I believe that there will be an election, both on national and local, coz what will happen to other leaders right? But my question is, what if there's really an extension of the term of the President or a the present president will have the right to run again for presidency? What if she wins? Is there still hope for us? Yes, maybe there's hope in everything. If life in this world is just like viewing a bacteria in a microscope, I'll be using the HPO (hiher power objective) so that I can really look at it, you can view it with a single but you can really look at it, but the problem is some of us prefer to close our eyes in everything, we prefer sleeping than thinking. I remember the sermon of the priest one sunday that the young generation is "Instant" generation, they want things to be fast or quick, like dating??? Sa txt lang, nagiging magnobyo o nobya na sila? then shook his head, when we are in pain, we want pain reliever, but not all pain reliever can kill or eradicate all our pain, what about emotional pain? When we can't handle emotional pain, we resort to suicide because we don't want pain, if we don;t want pain, why are we causing pain to others? Are we that demonic? We claim that we came from God, but we are not obeying his commandments, how dare us to be called Christian when we don't even extend our hands to our needy brothers and sisters. I am not a saints, and I am a sinners, I even commited a sin of sacrilege, by saying to a priest, "father the devil works 24/7 and here you are sleeping" it's a joke by the way, but still priest should be respected, and one man called me a heretic sinner by not believing in hell. Oh well that his belief anyway.
When I was in high school, the nun, our guidance counselor at that time, thought us that we should not argue or involved ourselves in any kind of debate about God I forgot her reasons already, but as I recall, she's right, because it's unending argument once you open your mouth. Many things have been said about the catholics, but rarely you can't see them defending, not even da vinci code or angels and demons, can ignite the debateable abilities of the catholics.
Did I just divert myself into another topic? geez, maybe I am also frustrated on that aspect, or I just missed a half of me, and that is to involved again myself on religious activities, oh well, I'd like to say Thy Will be Done!

I thought there's no 2 o'clock mass at the cathedral yesterday but I was wrong, (though I've already heard the reading from the sunday mass at tv I don't know but I felt that my week is not complete without visiting the church, maybe it's in my system already) so I am still at the stairs of the cathedral and I heard the sermon of the priest already, so I said to myself (aaahh there's a mass) and for the first time I have not saw anyone taking pictures outside or in front of the church (alleluia for that) it's not that I don't want people to take pictures of the church, it's ok, but please not when mass is still going on. Im late so I stayed near the angel with the holy water, I can see the priest delivering his sermon, his wearing a red sotana, oh it's pentecostal sunday yesterday that's why priests are wearing red. He asks how many times do we eat, so parishoners said 3x a day and how many times do you spent from eating your food? maybe 30 minutes to 1 hour depending whom your taking to while your eating, the priest continued. Then he asks another question, how many times do you pray? how many times do you spent to pray to God in a day? you eat 3x a day for 30 minutes and not even praying at lweast once for 30 minutes a day? I think that's the real sermon, and then the priest started walking to the aisle from altar to the gate of the church, I felt nervous I don't why maybe because Im at the gate, it's not that I don't pray, I pray every single minute of the day I don't know how many times but I know I cannot consume 30 minutes of praying, and the priest is right, I don't know but there are some who really goes to church without praying, some goes to church to transact business (monkey) and some are just to show off. I forgot, if the spirit lives in your heart, it shows in your face, and I think that's the origin of the saying: "Ang mga kristiyano ay masayang tunay"
My prayer had been different since the start of this year, I pray for my wickedness that God give more strength, coz the devil works 24/7 and it's no joke to be tempted, that's why the church is calling for global soul strengthening, we have to feed our soul by the words of God, and share His love by doing self-less action like feeding the hungry, educating the ignorant and so forth.

first love never dies

does first love dies? If you asked me that few years back, my answer would be yes, until I've watched this show on TV. One of the guests, answered it on the negative side. She answered no, coz it's the first romance that teaches you how to love and to sacrifice, maybe the feelings subsided but the thought that first love is irreplaceable then that makes it undying. You can love as many as you can feel but no such thing as first love.
Last night, as lie awake in bed, just thinking of what oscar wilde said, that love of oneself is the beginning of a lifetime romance. Well I thought that maybe it's my self is my first love. You've got to love yourself first before loving others, for you cannot give something you do not have. YOu can't give love, if you don't have it. So I think I am making sense, that first love never dies, if the first love is yourself.
Someone quoted me in a forum when I posted it that I believe in happy ever after. He told me that it's just in a fairy tale story, and fairy tales don't come true. But for me, fairy tales inspires us to keep on loving and moving forward, despite how many wicked stepmothers, witch or sisters we have in our way, it teaches us that if you have a mighty heart and strong will you can surpass all those who get in our way. And going back to happy ever after, it doesn't matter if you end up with your prince charming what matters most is, the feeling when you reach your destination after a tiring journey, the feeling that you have move-on after a failed relationship, see? In life, having a partner is joyours really, but sometimes it's not the only thing in this world that gives us happiness, what matters most is, you know the things that makes you happy, and whatever makes you happy, practice it..hehe
I

Three nights ago, I was not able to sleep for 2 nights, I don't know why, and I have this palpitation, so I searched on it on the net, coz i suspected a heartburn due to its symptoms, and awhile ago a friend told me that it might be an estrogen, so I have to stop drinking coffee or any drinks that caffeine is present, whew!!! My coffee is decaf but still not an excuse, coke and tea, goodbye, but I hope it's only for awhile.

AS my sleepless nights attack, I have to venture myself into reading, so I read this newly bought book, it's about tickling the soul, nice book, full of wisdom, thou I am still looking for the humor, but until its absent, but some quote strike me, thou many quotes have gotten my attention to this book. It says there, if your friend or work have no intentions to stay with you, you have the right to leave them. And then I remembered a friend, but erase it eventually, coz I know that she's no longer thinking of me, so why should I think of her, anyways..I just found out that there are friends, are only good when they need you, but when life's going so smoothly, they never know that you are existed. At first, I thought that I don't have friend like this, until I met her.

Secondly, I have a disagreement with a friend, of course this friend is different... I will not write about her, coz according to the book, when you are mad, tell it to a friend, just one friend, coz what will happen of you will tell everyone is that, you are just rehearsing the madness in you, well guilty about that. I don't know why is she furious about that what Ihave said, but anyways, I'd like to tell her that the truth hurts, but I kept quiet, it will just ignite her uncontrolable temper.

Okay, just that it, everyday, we learn something, only have to do is to be vigilant the free lessons that this life is offering. Whether own experience or others, it taught us something, that developed our own personal well being.

one afternoon

I was walking down the streets awhile ago, when the PMA cadets vehicle pass by me, and there's a slogan written on the side of their vehicle it says there "Serving the Future" well I eally don't know what it means really, maybe when I got to ask them maybe they can give me the best explanation. It just pop into my mind the question, why serving the future, why not now, coz today is the present moment, we need them now, and for Petesake they are soldiers, their lives is always in danger, how can they serve the future if they are going to die today, so what I am trying to say is that, serve for today and we might have a better and peaceful future, if you are going to serve tomorrow "ningas kugon" di ba? Oh well like I said, they have a better explanation for that.

One thing more, on issuing business receipt as in accordance with the law, that you have to issue a receipt in every business transactions. I was bothered by this, really, ASK FOR RECEIPT This will ENSURE that the taxes on your purchases WILL be REMITTED to the government. It WILL be USED for the DEVELOPMENT of the Philippines. Failure to issue as such is punishable by law with the imprisonment of 2-4 years. Wow, it's a beautiful law isn't it? but look around you, where is the beauty of the Philippines, well I guess, it's in Philippine Airlines... Two things came into my mind, First, business are not paying their taxes in accordance with the law, and Second, the development is in the hands of the few. We pay our taxes monthly and annualy, we pay our taxes more than 12x a year, and of course don't forget the e-vat everyday we are paying this, thru medicines, foods, groceries etc, I don't know how many millions or billions of pesos that the government can accumulate each day or in a year, maybe the interests of our loan in the World Bank is too large that we can no longer pay. That is why development is far from every Filipnos sight. But goodness is every where, who knows, Philippines will rise again as the Tiger country of Asia.

another thought

I was reading a local news paper, and the first thing I read are those written by the people here, I seldom read the front page coz I heard them already on the radio, yes, on the radio, coz the local news paper here comes once a week, so I was reading the paper, I kept on turning the pages until I turned unto the classified ads, ka-booommm!!! It's an advertisement exclusive for the boys, I can't believe my eyes, I've been reading that paper long ago, and it's my first time to saw that kind of ads, I don't know if you knew what I am talking about, it's a club where you can have a sight of ladies, wearing skimpy short dress. For me, as a woman, it's an exploitation, the body is the temple of the holy spirit and you advertise it so that men could draw money from their pocket instead of buying it to something else like basic necessities? I don't know why they allowed such an advertisement, if you think of it, there's so many clubs in here, so what more thay can offer?

what a year!!!!

WeeeHaaaa!!!
I hope hindi pangit ang taon ko, kahit pangit ang simula...
I understand that there are so many unscrupolous people roaming around the earth...
Nadadamay sa katangahan ng ibang tao, ang problema, ako lang ang nasisisi sa katangaha ng iba.
Imagine, almost 1 year na kami dito sa new office hindi pa niya alam kung saan nakalagay mga gamit...What a waste tas ako sasabihin na wlang pakinabang??? Tama nga kasabihan, hindi mo makikita ang sarili mong katangahan...kundi sa iba mo iyon nakikita, parang sariling amoy, hindi maamoy, dahil immune na.
Well, I hope hindi na ako makakatagpo ng ganitong klaseng tao...Hayyy Have Mercy on Me Lord!